Reflections of a long white cloud

After just 3 months on holiday, it was an easy lesson. I had worked so hard the previous year in Vietnam that I was considering architecting a life of relaxation and laziness. In Management 101 we learn about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Esteem is one of the human needs. To over-simplify - one needs to engage themselves in activities that give the person a sense of contribution, to feel accepted and self-valued, be it in a profession or hobby... and this is what I lacked during my holiday.

But is it that simple? What was I doing? What was the purpose?

When people asked me what I did that day, my response was usually "watched gossip girl, walked the dog then went to the beach... uhhhh... thats about it". I felt bored listening to myself. I got only fleeting satisfaction from doing next to nothing.

The purpose of this post is not to complain about my time in New Zealand. I did exactly what I needed to do before I engaged in the next chapter of my life. My holiday highlight reel is action packed with unique crazy adventures, including but not limited to:

• The bottle cap game at the bach
• Raisin spotting at Taka beach
  
• Late night sheesha sessions
• Drinking bourbon at the local skateboard park
• Midnight skinny dips and high school dates
• Playing frisbee with my handsome dog
• Bromance, man-dates and broners

So... what does this all mean? What is the lesson being derived?

Would you be happy if you never had to work again? Would you stop working if you won lotto? What is the purpose of life if you are not contributing, or growing, or achieving?

I'm guessing procreation gives us this sense of purpose and has often been touted as the core function of the human race. I don't disagree because it's driven from our need to survive and evident in our instinctive human behaviour. But what happens after the vasectomy or hysterectomy? Do we lose that twinkle in our eye?

Anyway fuck that - I'm not ready to become some baby daddy.


What else if not for the pitter patter of little feet? Work? Money? Health? Is it all the same thing? Is it all just spreading our peacock feathers to attract a mate? What if you don't want a mate? What if you just want promiscuity and maybe the odd spooning?

Well, I don't know the answers to these questions. Maybe you do?

What I have learnt for myself, is that without purpose, I find it difficult to get satisfaction, or esteem, and even happiness. But if not from offspring, where do I find this purpose?

I have concluded that life is like an RPG (role playing game e.g. Dungeons and Dragons). Yes it is a truly geeky analogy, please don't judge me. We are all our own hero/avatar in the game of life.

We all have quantifiable attributes and skills for example:

- Personality
- Health
- Wealth
- Relationships
- Work
- Intelligence

So what of my avatar's purpose? My avatar wants to be the best. It wants to win the game of life. It wants to be a knight... or wizard... or shaman... or dark prince... oh shit I don't know what I want my avatar to be!

Lost much?

So here I am. Sitting here in a hotel room in Manila, Philippines. My avatar is about to start a new adventure. I don't know where he is going, what challenges lie ahead, and what type of hero he is going to become.

Strangely I observe a smooth blend of comfort and excitement in this ambiguity. Life could be so simple if you knew exactly where you were going next, or where you were going to be in 10 years.

But who wants a simple life? Some people do. I don't.