Bad Cops Bad Cops... Watcha gonna do?

He signalled at me with his right hand, in the same way that Hitler would heil and simultaneously pat a puppy's head. Only in Asia have I seen this hand signal and it distinctly means stop.

I stop with a naive smile on my face expecting he will see that I'm a potato and ignorant to whatever rule I had just broken... which was the complete truth.

I had no idea.

After pulling off my full face helmet that makes me feel like I look totally awesome, I greet him with a warm friendly smile... his automatic rifle smiled back at me. My only comfort was the over exposing 1pm sunlight and our busy location - a main street in Olangapo.

One thing to note - I was running late to get back to Angeles City by 3pm for the bus... I knew the ride was approximately 2 hours and I wasn't 100% sure exactly how to get there. I didn't have time for this.

Our dialogue played out as follows:

Me: Hello sir

Police Officer: You made a traffic violation

Me: I don't understand (curiously bemused look)

Police Officer: You failed to stop at the stop sign (points to stop sign on straight section of road - not even an intersection)

Me: Oh, I'm sorry i did not see the sign (trying to play the victim)

Police Officer: I need to write you a ticket

Me: How much for?

Police Officer: I don't know. I need to write it and you have to take it to the police station where you will pay the fine

Me: I don't know where the Police Station is though?

Police Officer: Its on the corner of blah blah street and blah blah street, or you could take it to the court house on blah blah street

Me: I don't know where that is? How will I find it? How much is the fine?

Police Officer: I don't know sir, I think 1500 pesos (NZD $50)

Me: Thats crazy!!! You can't be serious?! That is not correct, too much! (in exasperation - I knew this was way out of the ballpark, hence my reaction so he knew I wasn't going to easily be taken for a ride)

Police Officer: I don't know, you need to take the ticket to the police station

Me: Look I'm running late to catch a bus from Angeles, I don't have time to go anywhere else. Is there any other way we could do this? How about if I just paid you 200 pesos and we call it even?

Police Officer: I do not accept bribes sir. That is against the law. There is nothing you can do (spoken sternly - I actually believed him)

Me: Ok, no problem - please write me the ticket then (totally resolved to follow the legal process)

Police Officer: (begins writing ticket)

Me: (adjusts testicles... I'm a sweaty solo man on the open road)

Police Officer: Malfunction... its broken... malfunction (paces back and forth while making his walkie talkie bleep and muttering occasionally - curious behaviour)

Police Officer: I'm sorry sir, there is a problem with my radio, I cannot write you the ticket... I don't know...

Me: Ok... ummmm

Police Officer: Well.. you could just give me the fine, this time only

Me: 200 pesos?

Police Officer: Ok, but don't show anybody, wait... (walks away, continuing to bleep his walkie talkie and mutter "malfunction" repetitively)

Me: (I rifle through my wallet to get the cash, walk over to him and offer it to him)

Police Officer: No, sir I cannot accept your money. Soon, wait by your bike. Secret.

Me: (I indiscretely nod my head in an "i get it" kind of way - I walk back to my bike)

Police Officer: (after more time shaking his head and muttering "malfunction" he walks back. Seriously it was like he was auditioning for a daytime soap)

Police Officer: (hands my drivers license back in cover of the bag strapped to my bike)

Me: Thank you sir (I discretely hand him the cash with a cool, but telling smile on my face. I would make a terrible secret agent, even though that's my dream job)

Police Officer: There will be no trouble from this? You will not tell anybody?

Me: Ofcourse not

Please note: I would have been happy to follow the legal process, but in this case was given no choice. I do not support police corruption whatsoever because it is damaging to the legal system. Criminals with money do not adhere to the law and innocent people get extorted for cash.

In Asia I have seen two root causes of police corruption:

1. Low police salaries - forcing good cops to accept bribes to put food on their table
2. Top down cultural acceptance of corruption - if the Police Chief can do it, so can I.

After this transaction, the officer was extremely polite to me. He gave me very clear directions and told me to ride safely, warning me about the coming weather. He turned from a very formal officer of the law, to a friend of the citizen, or in this case - the potato.

The picture shown at the top of this post is not of the same corrupt police officer - he was the second officer that stopped me at a checkpoint outside of Angeles. He did not try to extort me for money, instead was very friendly and honest. While corruption is prevalent in many third world countries, I am optimistic that not every cop follows this devious code.